What Carol Allen Taught Me about Love

Recently, I had the pleasure of sitting down with Vedic astrologer and relationship expert Carol Allen for the very first episode of my new show, All Things Love. What I thought would be a conversation about astrology turned into something much deeper-a conversation about love, destiny, choice, and what it really takes to create a healthy relationship.

Carol recently did a Vedic astrology compatibility reading for my partner and me. The experience was both fascinating and confronting. Many of the challenges we've experienced in our relationship showed up in our chart. In fact, there were indications that we might not be the most naturally compatible pair.

If I'm honest, hearing that stirred something in me.

How could two people who love each other deeply have so many challenges reflected in their chart? And if a chart suggests difficulty, does that mean a relationship is doomed? Or does it simply mean there is something to learn?

Those questions stayed with me long after the reading ended.

One of the things I've come to appreciate about love is that it rarely fits into neat categories. We want certainty. We want guarantees. We want someone to tell us if a relationship is "the one" or if we're wasting our time. Yet love often asks something very different of us. It asks us to stay present. To stay curious. To pay attention.

During our conversation, Carol and I explored the idea of destiny. Are some relationships written in the stars? Do soulmates exist? If certain connections are meant to happen, what role does free will play?

What struck me most was realizing that even if destiny brings two people together, it doesn't do the relationship for them. Love still requires participation. Love still requires honesty. Love still requires emotional maturity, communication, and commitment. In other words, destiny may open the door, but we still have to walk through it.

We also talked about one of the biggest mistakes people make in love: confusing chemistry with compatibility.

Chemistry can feel intoxicating. It can make us believe we've found our person after a handful of conversations or a few amazing dates. But chemistry alone doesn't tell us whether someone is emotionally available, aligned with our values, capable of healthy communication, or willing to build a life together.

Many of us have been taught to trust the spark. What if we learned to trust consistency instead? What if we slowed down enough to let someone reveal who they truly are?

This was perhaps my biggest takeaway from our conversation: real love takes time. Not because love is difficult. Not because we need to play games. But because healthy love unfolds. Trust unfolds. Intimacy unfolds. Emotional safety unfolds. The deepest connections are rarely built in a rush.

This is especially important for women dating after divorce, heartbreak, or the end of a significant relationship. When we've been lonely, disappointed, or longing for connection, it's easy to want certainty before certainty actually exists. It's easy to project our hopes onto someone before we've gathered enough information about who they are.

I've done it. Most of us have.

But Relationship Intelligence asks something different of us. It asks us to pace ourselves. To stay grounded in reality. To observe rather than assume. To discern rather than chase. That's not fear. That's wisdom.

The truth is, I don't know whether love is truly only for the destined. What I do know is that love seems to meet us when we're willing to stay open to it.

And perhaps the bigger question isn't whether a relationship is destined. Perhaps the question is whether we're willing to show up fully when love arrives. Whether we're willing to communicate when it's hard. Whether we're willing to heal the patterns that keep us disconnected. Whether we're willing to let love teach us something about ourselves.

Because if there's one thing I've learned, it's this: Love is not something we earn. Love is our natural state of being. The journey is remembering that, aligning with it, and allowing it to guide how we show up in relationship, with ourselves and with others.

And maybe that's where destiny and choice finally meet.